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So…what’s been going on lately?

Wow, almost a year of hiatus huh? I could give you the run-of-the-mill excuse that I’ve been busy with this. been so pre-occupied with that… but who am I kidding? 😀

First off, I’m all over the place. Figuratively. Oh how I wish it was literal eh? My thoughts, my grind, my actions have been all over the place. There was a lot I wanted to do, a lot of things I wanted to get done.

So yeah, I’ve been… wait for it… busy.

Busy is the procrastinator’s key word for all the things we want to put off. Yes, I said “we”. I was a procrastinator. No, scratch that. I still AM. But please believe me when I say that I “am” working on it. I’ve read far too many time management books, goal-setting books, listened to a bunch of task-management videos and audios over the past year that I was able to slightly diagnose why I was being such a procrastinator.

Wanna hear some of my findings?

I procrastinate because I’m afraid.

Says the girl who is afraid.

Yes, that colored-eyed monster (is it green? or was that jealousy that’s green-eyed? See, I’m all over the place again!), I found, was the biggest reason why I keep putting things off. Even things the I love to do! Yes, like blogging. Or baking, or travelling, or making new friends, or reaching out to old ones, or expanding my business, or accepting more promotion-worthy tasks at work.

Yes, I’ve even put off “getting promoted”. Can you imagine?

Why am I afraid?

Good question. Can  get back to you? (in like another blog post? Ha!)

Seriously, fear is crippling. Fear keeps me from moving forward, it keeps me from taking leaps, doing things, making things happen. Deciding. It’s so ironic how I usually advise my FB page’s audience to “decide”, to “take the leap”, to “do what is necessary”, when here I am, still paralyzed by fear. Btw, a bit of shameless plug here, we have a Facebook page dedicated to our financial literacy mission – Becoming Financially Fit. C’mon, I’ll give you a second to jump over to Facebook and like it! C’mon, don’t be shy. I’ll wait.

Done? Thank you! 🙂

So, where were we? Oh yeah, FEAR. I guess if I’m truly honest with myself, the reasons why I am afraid is because… I MIGHT fail.

All my adult life, I’d like to think that I’m Miss Independent. Being the eldest among six siblings, being a single mom fresh out of college, I have been so used to making things work by myself, making ends meet, sending my kid to school, purchasing my home, balancing work and life.

So the thought of giving in and taking actions on things I’m happy to do without any or with less regard to it’s monetary impact and how the world would take it scares the crap out of me.

Doing more blogging to zero audience or big audience  – Would they like how I write? Would I be able to entertain them? Would I be able to educate them? Would I be grammatically correct all the time? (I think along this point, I already have a lot!)

Doing more baking – Would I be able to sustain it financially and physically? Do I really have the skills to pursue more of it? What if the best designs I’ll ever come up with are those I’ve done so far. Would people really buy or do I really have a market if I pursue it as a business?

More travelling – What if I was only in love with the “idea” of travelling? What if I would hate being delayed in airports or very long commutes or sleeping in uncomfortable places, what if I’m awkward meeting new people, or I won’t like the places I visit unlike how I have imagined in my head?

Expanding my business (a.k.a. going fulltime as Financial Adviser) – What if I won’t meet as many people as I’ve hoped? What if people would reject me? What if I can’t sustain it financially? What if I would be in so deep of a rut that even me myself won’t be able to pay my own bills or “manage” my own finances? WHAT IF I FAIL?

You see? Fear has it’s special way of MAKING problems that are not yet there! It enhances my overthinking skills to it’s highest level, while crippling me down to my lowest.

That is why I procrastinate.

Which brings us back to the question from the start of this post. So…what’s been going on lately?

Nothing. Nothing’s been going on lately. I was busy staying away from most of the things I wanted to do. And really, I was doing a good job.

But, that ends here.

Hence, me and this blog being alive again.

So yeah, if someone’s reading this, stay tuned. 🙂 Like I said, I’m a work in progress but you should be able to read some new posts every once in awhile from here on.

If no one is reading this, then hey internet, let me save some of my thoughts here, okay? You’ll be doing me and my sanity a very huge favor. 

Thank you, worldwideweb.

{Or you, whoever you are reading this! And, welcome. 😉 }

Keep grinding,

Joan

a true-blue cebuana mom. eager traveler. striving baker. amateur writer. hopeful photographer. overthinker. minimalist. emotional eater. coffee drinker. chocolate lover. and a big-time foodie.

Between Grinds chronicles the places I've been to and the foods I've devoured - in between the daily grinding that is LIFE! And also, there's cake. Lots of it.

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Let’s Grind, Eat, and Go!

Hi. My name is Joan from the Queen City of the South (Cebu, Philippines).

amateur writer
wannabe traveler
dessert lover
baker
mother
engineer
financial adviser

Connect with me! Visit my “About” page to know more.

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